Crispy Cottages and a Bonus Picture

Maybe some of you have become fed up (as I did a few years back) with the whole "Gingerbread House Project." Because, quite frankly, why would kids be any more interested in cooperating and sharing in this season of Peace and Joy than they are at any other time in the year. So, whoever thought this idea up, you are a genius. My hat's off to you.

Presenting Crispy Cottages 2010


Each person gets his or her own mini cottage to decorate. At the end, we put them on a platter and sprinkle it with coconut "snow". After a couple of days on the dining room table, I toss them out. Perfect. Here are the instructions if you're interested. Note how much our cottages do not look like the ones in the recipe. I'm also not sure what was up with the marshmallow snow creatures this year. Strange and Picasso-like.

Land O Lakes Crispy Christmas Cottages

And the Bonus Picture. We're hoping that J-Man will regain use of his knees tomorrow.

What I've Learned in the Last 24 Hours

1. My son is allergic to Oxycodone.

2. The next heavy duty pain killer of choice is Tylenol with Codeine...or T3 for those of us who just spent a couple of days talking to medical personnel.

3. One of the common side effects for Codeine is: "exaggerated sense of well-being".

4. An "exaggerated sense of well-being" + ADHD = Annoying "Happy Drunk" 7-year-old Boy.

5. This is going to be a long couple of weeks.

Snow Day

This was our first snow day ever.
I have one thing to say:
Ugh.

I am Superwoman...Watch me Bake!

Despite fighting a raging virus that clogged my head and sent my MS symptoms into overdrive, I managed to accomplish this, this week:



Unfortunately, it wasn't as much fun as usual since I was sick. But on the upside, Big K had the same bug, so I didn't have to do school with her while I was trying to bake. There's always a silver lining.

Project Progress

There's nothing like house guests to give you a kick in the seat of your pants to finish some projects. I blogged, way back at the beginning of summer, that I was going to redo my bedroom. We finally finished it up last week. Here are a couple of pictures.

Before:

After:

We painted, ripped out carpeting and got an area rug, added all new bedding and curtains along with couple of new bedside tables and a lamp. I was a frequent visitor to Ikea for awhile. I think they like it when I do a project. :)

I also found a spot to hang these silhouettes that my mother-in-law had made of the kids.

One bedroom down, three more to go this winter. I can't decide if I should work on Big K's drywall only room or J-Man's pink room first. Probably whoever makes the most noise...that would be Big K.

Update on the Glasses

So I took J-Man's glasses back to the optical store yesterday. I think the guy, upon catching sight of them, said, "Wow, that's hard to do."

Now keep in mind that when I walked into the store last week to pick out these frames, I asked for the sturdiest ones they had. I did not care about shape or color. (In fact, I had no idea what color they were until I went to pick them up.) I wanted durable. These frames are specifically made for children. They are flexible and can take quite a bit of abuse. Apparently many customers have given them good reviews for durability. But then my son got hold of them.

When the nice man brought the repaired glasses back out, I asked him what exactly would have to happen to cause that kind of damage. He indicated that you would have to bend them in half and then hold them that way for awhile. (Also keep in mind that J-Man had been denying having any knowledge of how the damage had occurred.) He also told me that it usually takes a considerable amount of heat to make these flexible frames maintain a shape change. I think he might have been a little impressed that a kid could do that kind of damage with just his hands. I'm trying not to think about it.

So now we're thinking that we could hire J-Man out to the Consumer Reports Test Lab. I'm pretty sure he could break some stuff that they've never seen broken before. Is it illegal for 7-year-olds to work?

Should Have Known Better

Picked out a new pair of glasses for J-Man last week because his old pair were in pretty bad shape. Cost $260. Out of pocket, of course. Picked them up at 9:30 this morning. By 4:30 this afternoon he had bent them so badly that we took them away. Going back to the optical store on Monday to have them repaired. He will be allowed to wear them only when supervised. Feeling a little discouraged tonight.

Report Card

So J-Man brought his first report card home from school yesterday. The academic part was as expected...way below where a first grader should be functioning. But he's made some progress in a couple of areas. So that's good, right? Except I feel cruddy that I couldn't get him to make as much progress at home.

He got a GLOWING (if I knew how to make that word flash in neon pink, I would do it) personal review from his teacher. He's a lovely child, tries hard, handles his temper well, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. I should have been overjoyed, right? My son is doing great in school, so I should rejoice and be glad. You know what, I was angry. What kind of a horrible mom am I? I was angry that his teacher thinks he's awesome but I don't. I was angry that he saves all his good stuff for school and falls apart the minute he walks in the door every afternoon. I was angry that one more person doesn't understand what he's really like, so I must be the problem. But I put on my game face and told him that I was pleased with how well he's doing.

Later his therapist helped me work through it. Of course he's doing well at school, it plays to his strengths. He's in a special ed facility, so class sizes are small. He's in a room with 8 students, 1 teacher and a para pro. Not to mention the constantly rotating cast of therapists and specialists that come through. He gets one-on-one attention all day long from a variety of people, allowing him to spread thin his personal relationships. Plus, his activities are rigidly structured. He never has to made a decision about anything or keep himself occupied. Perfect for him. And you know what, I'll bet they never have to stop to throw in a load of laundry, clean up cat barf, or get dinner started.

And then there are differing expectations. I expect him to function as a member of the family and love me like his mother, which he is incapable of doing. His teachers expect him to function like a special ed student, which he does perfectly. Of course he meets their expectations and not mine.

So it all boils down to this: He is comfortable in an institutional environment. He understands the rules to the game and how to fit in. He is not comfortable in a family environment. It is a completely foreign culture to him...like visiting a foreign country where you don't speak the language. So no, I can't give him the orphanage ambiance in my home like they can at school. But you know what, I really don't want to. And I'm OK with that.

Introducing Duke

Drum roll, please...
Here he is...Duke the Dog. (He came with the name. I think it's ridiculous, but what can you do.) He seems to be a little camera shy, so this is the best I could get today.

He is a 2 year old, 94 pound, pure black lab. We've had him for slightly over 24 hours and he's been great. So much better than the last dog experience. The Duke was not warmly received by the Queen (aka Emily the Cat) but that should get straightened out soon, I think. The Queen seems to be emerging as the pack leader, much to the husband's dismay.

For anyone who may be interested in adopting a rescue dog, I'm glad to provide info about the great rescue organization that we worked with.

Thank you...

to Auntie Paige, for making this picture possible.

Quote

I read this quote earlier this week. I can't remember where...I blame the short term memory loss associated with MS. In fact, I blame it for a lot of things I forget. Handy sometimes. ;-)

Anyway, I've been chewing on it all week and thinking about how true it has been in my life. And then trying to think about how it applies to my children. Convicting, yet helpful.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

Shrimp Dip

I hadn't made this recipe in a really long time, but then I got to talking with some friends about chip dip, and suddenly I got a hankerin' for it. Really yummy and super simple!

1 can Campbell's cream of shrimp soup
1 8 oz pkg cream cheese, softened
1 tsp lemon juice
garlic powder to taste
dash paprika

Blend until smooth. (Don't overbeat, it gets thin.) Chill. (It's better if it sits for a couple of hours.) Try not to eat all in one sitting.

Conflicted

We've been in something of a financial quandary for awhile now. We need a larger capacity vehicle, we need to pay off the loan for J-Man's adoption, and we need to fund a new treatment for him. All of these things require roughly the same amount of money, give or take a couple thousand dollars. If you'll notice, I listed three things. We've accumulated enough money to pay for one of them. Therefore the quandary.

So I mentioned in my last post that we had decided to buy a used minivan instead of a new Traverse. While this is a blow to my vanity, it does free up the money earmarked for the monthly car payment to pay for that treatment for J-Man. So now we can afford two things.

And then my parents told us that they are giving us their used minivan as a Christmas present. And while this is a complete answer to our prayers (because now we can afford all three of the aforementioned things) and I'm totally grateful to my parents, my pride has now joined my vanity in loser-ville. I never, ever thought, back when we were filling out adoption paperwork, that I would turn into a charity case. A humbling experience, to say the least.

It's become a constant struggle within myself to not blame J-Man for our financial difficulties. Intellectually, I know that I made the decision to take out that loan for the adoption, and I made the choice to make him part of our family. And yet, he's the one standing in front of me, sucking down every available penny we have (and quite a few that we don't...good-bye 401K, it was nice knowing you) and then telling me how much better the orphanage was because they had more toys. (Can you say fairytale? I sure can.) It's hard to sacrifice so much for so little. It goes against human nature.

But back to the part about God answering prayer. He did indeed. In a way that I never expected. (I was secretly hoping that a winning lottery ticket would magically appear in my mailbox. I suppose that would have been too easy.) I'm working to climb back out of the pit of self-pity and focus on the blessing. And stay hopeful that this treatment for J-Man (that we can now afford) will be the breakthrough that we're looking for.

Random News

So technically I wrote this post and took the pictures last week. I just hadn't found the time to edit the pictures and put it all together. So, while the news might be a little dated, it was in fact news at one time.

First, let me just say a big THANKS! to my cousin who made these beautiful hats for my kids. They love them. I caught Little K wearing hers in the front yard along with her shorts and sandals. No really, the neighbors don't think we're nuts. Why do you ask?



Big K went to the orthodontist to get the Herbst appliance off her teeth. You can check back to my post on September 21 of last year to see the HUGE amount of progress she's made. You know, if you're really interested in seeing some kid's crooked teeth. I had completely forgotten how much work needed to be done. She gets a couple of weeks off and then she'll get more brackets and new wires.



We're still on the hunt for a dog. I've narrowed it down to a Mastiff (100-200 lbs) or a Pug (15-25 lbs). I can't decide if I want a small pony or a large woodchuck in my house. Of course, the husband is not so on board with those options. So we'll probably end up with an over-the-hill golden retriever who's too old to get into much trouble. Seriously.

The never-ending shell game in my small house continues. Big K has moved out of the bedroom she previously shared with Little K, and into the room that I previously called my storage/sewing room. How did I accomplish that? Four large garbage bags, one trip to the Salvation Army, five bins of clothes to a consignment sale, three trips into the crawl space, and two boxes of books to the used book store. One new bedroom...priceless. For a few days at least...until we start buying stuff for the room.

The husband brought home an Acadia to try out for a few days. Whereupon we discovered that, while it was a really nice vehicle, I still spent a lot of my time turned around trying to get the kids to stop fighting. So we've come to the conclusion that we could solve our space problem with a much cheaper used minivan that doesn't solve the fighting issue instead of an expensive new vehicle that doesn't solve the fighting issue. I had hoped to completely skip the minivan stage of life. Sigh.

New Doctor

I went to a new doctor yesterday to discuss my MS. This guy came highly recommended, and I've waited for 7 months to see him. He does not participate with any insurance, which is why he was able to sit and talk with me for an hour. (Yes, I said an hour.) He even seemed to be listening! He looked through all my previous test results and told me which ones where crap (Some of which I already knew.) and then ordered several more tests. He told me to drink a lot of water the morning I go for the blood draw, since they'll be taking about 12 vials. (Yes, I said 12 vials.)

Can I tell you what a relief it is to see a doctor who actually listens to me? To see a doctor who orders the tests that I've wanted done for over a year? All I wanted was a stinkin' allergy test and some additional Lyme and thyroid testing. Why was that so hard? Am I not the customer? When I go into a restaurant and order, I expect that the waiter will bring me what I want. In this case, the waiter (doctor) essentially told me that what I wanted wasn't necessary, and I could have a big, fat plate of toxic chemicals instead. Yummy!

I'm really glad that practitioners like this new one are out there. However, it seems that, even though we have insurance, we're paying out of pocket more and more for health care. Because the really good providers and the cutting edge treatment facilities don't want to play games with the insurance company. And I can't say that I blame them. I don't like dealing with them, either.

My Poor Starving Child

So J-Man came home from school today and the first words out of his mouth were:

You need to send more lunch tomorrow.

Now, I sent the same amount of food in his lunch today as I have sent for the past 3 weeks without complaint EXCEPT that I omitted the cookie. I decided that he was getting enough sugar from the jam on the sandwich and the fruit, so he didn't need a cookie. I informed him of my decision while I was packing his lunch this morning. So here's the rest of the conversation.

Me: So you were hungry? You must have eaten the snack I packed, right?
J-Man: (looking sideways) Some of it.
(I took the still full container of trail mix out of his bag.)
Me: Whoa! You couldn't have been that hungry since you didn't eat more than two peanuts out of here. Did you have anything else to eat during the day?
J-Man: Yes, an apple.
Me: Where did you get the apple?
J-Man: From the helper.
Me: So you told her that your mom didn't pack enough lunch and you were still hungry so she gave you an apple?
J-Man: Yes.
Me: Did you tell her that you had a snack in your bag?
J-Man: No.
Me: Did you tell her that you refused to eat the breakfast that I made for you this morning?
J-Man: No.
Me: So all you told her was that your mom didn't pack enough lunch?
J-Man: Yes.
Me: So she gave you an apple and told you to tell me that I should send more food tomorrow?
J-Man: Yes.
Me: I'm really looking forward to parent-teacher conferences.

So when the husband got home from work, he was trying to talk to J-Man about the whole lunch thing. Much of the conversation was a repeat from above until the end:

Dad: So you got an apple from the helper because you told her that you were still hungry?
J-Man: Yes.
Dad: But you didn't eat breakfast or your snack?
J-Man: No.
Dad: That wasn't a very good job.
J-Man: You know when you say that you're emptying my bucket.

Emptying his bucket!?!? You have got to be kidding!!! Can I just tell you how empty my bucket is? And I'm sure that call I'm going to get from the teacher tomorrow about my poor starving child is just going to fill it right up to the brim.

Emptying his bucket. Give me a break.

Update on Max the Dog

Unfortunately, Max the Dog had to go back from whence he came. He had a couple of issues (like snapping at the kids and trying to eat the cat) and we have all the issues we can currently handle in this household.

We are still on the hunt for a relatively issue-less dog. Like one whose owner did a great jog training her (Did I mention that I never want another male dog? I find stopping at every vertical object more than just a little annoying.)but now has to go to the nursing home or a dog-free apartment. That kind of a dog. It could take awhile, I think. Like until the kids move out.

Post-Placement Report

In my last post I mentioned that the social worker was coming on Thursday night for our final post-placement report to Russia. This is our third social worker since we started the adoption process about 4 years ago. The first one was (in retrospect) completely incompetent. The second one was better. It took us four years to get a social worker who actually knew what she was doing. Pathetic.

She pretty much admitted that there was a huge group of people adopting from Russia at the same time we did, and that the agency hired all sorts of semi-qualified social workers to handle the homestudies. Just another piece of info to add to my "angry file". I'll put it next to the part about the doctor who was supposed to be an expert in internationally adopted children but missed the fact that my son has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Would have been nice to start working on that issue, say, three years ago.

And the fact that I had to answer three pages of questions regarding J-Man's development and growth, and turn in ten photos showing our "happy family" so that the Russian authorities can be assured that we're doing a good job just ticks me off to no end. We have these problems because of the pervasive poverty and acceptance of alcoholism in the Russian culture, and the flawed orphanage system where unwanted children are warehoused. And they want to make sure that I'm doing a good job? How dare they.

Usually the anger isn't so near the surface anymore, but this report just brought it all bubbling back up again. I wish that one of the someones who caused the problems was the one sitting in waiting rooms and going broke from out-of-pocket expenses. I wish that same someone had to suffer the frustration of a perpetual toddler in a growing body who will never live up to the potential that, at the very beginning of his life, he had. All because a woman didn't care about taking care of her child and a culture didn't care enough to help her. The unfairness of it all is just overwhelming. Sad. Frustrating. Heartbreaking.

Overwhelmed

Have you ever felt relieved that your kids were sick so that you could cancel some activities? Wow, did I ever get myself in over my head this week. School started for the girls, we had two therapy appointments, a dentist appointment, piano lessons, meetings at J-Man's school, church activities, sports activities, co-op, and (for the icing on the cake) the social worker is coming tomorrow night for our last post-placement report to Russia. Golly, I can't wait! (sarcasm) Will I have time to run the vacuum before then? Not sure. She may just have to see our home in full-out tornado mode. And now I've gone and added a crazy dog to the mix. The verdict is still out on whether he's going to stay.

Pretty much just hanging on until the weekend when things will slow down for awhile.

I hope.

Our Week

These two pictures tell the story of our week:

J-Man waiting for the school bus.


Max the Dog. We're hoping that he and Emily the Cat can learn to live together.

What a Day

After a whole lot of pomp and circumstance, J-Man finally got on the bus this morning at 8:34 and headed to school. And since the Ks were camping with their dad, I gleefully scampered out the door to run some errands. I'd like to say I was lonely today. But I can't. I'd like to say I missed them all. But I didn't. In fact, I got some stuff done today that I've needed to do for about 2 months. It was great.

Then this afternoon, the dog that we're hoping to adopt came over for a meet and greet with the cat. He was here about 3 hours. I'd like to say that they liked each other. But they didn't. And now the cat is rather angry with me. So I'm off to buy a crate and a collar and tomorrow I'll pick him up and we'll go to our first obedience training class. I'm guessing I'll be the one getting trained.

I'm feeling a little tired and wiggly-tummied. (I love that expression - from a blog I read.) All-in-all, quite an exciting day in my little world.

Freudian?

Don't read if you're squeamish about bathroom stuff...

I had this dream last night that I walked in on J-Man while he was using the bathroom. (I often do this in Awake World for supervisory purposes, since he does stuff like stick his head in the toilet or cover the counter with liquid soap.) He had clogged the toilet and the disgusting toilet water was starting to overflow. But, in true J-Man-like fashion, instead of calling for help he had started to disassemble the toilet in order to fix the problem himself. Let's just say I was unhappy with him.

So this morning, I'm pondering my dream. Was it just a coincidence that I was "unhappy" about J-Man's overflowing crap and his inability/unwillingness to accept help? Or was my subconscious speaking to me? Hmmm....

Dog Hunting

I've caved. I'm so tired of having to say "no" to the girls because of all J-Man's crap, that I finally said "yes" to a dog. Not sure yet how this is going to turn out. I can tell you this, I'm not going to get sucked in by another pretty face. I've learned a hard lesson about that, thank you very much.

Since we aren't interested in a purebred puppy, I've been scouring Petfinder for mutt mixes that include a healthy dose of Golden or Labrador Retriever. Some of these dogs are at Humane Societies, but the majority of them are cared for by Rescue Organizations. Now, you would think that these people WANT you to adopt a dog (Isn't that their mission, after all?) but I'm not so sure. You would also think that if I could get Russia to give me a human being, then I could get a small, volunteer-staffed agency to give me a dog. Maybe I could just turn in my homestudy from the adoption? Probably not. I don't think they checked to see if we had a fenced yard.

Just to lay an eyeball on one of these mutts, we're required to undergo a lengthy home study process wherein we reveal all manner of personal information, allow home visits (both pre- and post-placement) and provide several references. Good grief! I just want to have a look at a dog! If a social worker ever came to my door, I could just tell him/her that we managed to pass the inspection of a Canine Rescue Organization. Problem solved.

Let me just say, by way of a disclaimer, that I'm sure not all rescue organizations are quite so...ummmm...enthusiastic?...as a couple we've hit upon. And I do appreciate the work that many of them do to socialize, train and provide vet services to animals in order to make them adoptable. I'm sure we'll eventually find someplace we can work with and we'll end up with a great dog.

Stupid Conscience

We had a meeting this week with a provider for a new treatment to try on J-Man. Turns out the guy's billing methods are shady. But J-Man really needs this treatment. But the guy is shady. But he's the only provider of this particular treatment in our area. But he's shady. Do you see my dilemma?

I met with J-Man's therapist and educational consultant tonight regarding the problem. They're perplexed as to where we go next since we've hit a dead end. More wheel spinning. More time and money wasted.

Sigh.

More From Little K

Driving down the road with the window open after a rain:
"It smells like penguins out here."

Finishing up a bottle of water:
"Ahhh...I thirst no more."

Out of the blue:
"If I shook up three unopened bottles of pop and strapped them to my back and hung onto an umbrella...could I fly?"

Merging onto the highway. Window open, head hanging out like a dog:
Dad: "Close your window, please."
K: "Aw man...just when it was getting good."

Yelling from her bedroom:
"Help! I'm stuck in my trashcan!"

Back from Vacation

We're just back from a week at Gull Lake Family Camp. A fun time all around. If you're interested in viewing the video, here's the link:
Family Camp Week 9

And here are a few pics of the fun...

Big K with her counselor. Note which one is taller.


Little K waiting for her ride on the Screamer Swing. Named that with good reason.


J-Man's dragon face painting. Better than the lavender butterfly he got last time.


Dressed up for Seuss night. Yes, those are Swiffer dusters on their heads. I was particularly proud of my creativity. Big K was particularly mortified.

Typical

When we got home from swimming lessons today I put J-Man in the shower to hose off the chlorine. As I was combing his hair afterward, I found a large patch of very short hair along his part. The following conversation then took place:

Me: Wow! What happened here? It looks like you cut your hair.
J: No, I didn't.
Me: Really? It looks pretty short. Would you like to try again?
J: You never believe me just because I lie all the time!
Me: Right. So would you like to tell me the truth?
J: I didn't do it! You have to believe me!
Me: Girls, did either of you cut your brother's hair?
K&K: No.
Me: So, you cut your own hair. Why did you do that?
J: I don't know.

I'm very proud of my calm reaction. I told J-Man that if he wanted his hair short, I could certainly accommodate that desire. So I escorted him to the laundry room and gave him a very thorough buzz cut. You gotta love it when you come up with the perfect logical consequence. If you happen to see him in the near future, please ask him about his hair!

A Kid's-Eye View of the Economy

This is part of a conversation that took place in the car this morning. I wrote it all down when we got to our destination so I didn't forget.

Little K: If you gave a slug a shell, would it be a snail?
Me: Um, no...
Little K: What is a slug, anyway?
Me: I don't know...a slimy, gooey, gross thing?
Little K: It's a homeless snail.
(Laughter)
Little K: It's a snail with housing problems.
(More laughter)
Big K: Maybe the bank foreclosed and took its home.

Funny and yet not funny at the same time. How much do I wish that my kids didn't know the word "foreclose". And people say that kids don't listen.

Vindication - Sort Of

I took J-Man into U of M hospital this afternoon to see an orthopedic surgeon. The kid walks on his toes and I've been trying to get a doctor to listen to me for awhile about it. Finally got a prescription for physical therapy a couple of months back, which did no good and was completely frustrating. Plus, the physical therapist thought I was an idiot (I'm just the mom, you know) so it was super fun all around.

So this afternoon the surgeon told me that the muscles and tendons in my son's legs are REAAAALLLY tight and that he will need surgery to correct it. If we don't fix it, the problem will get progressively worse and he will have hip and back problems in the future. He will have to wear braces, probably for the rest of his life (but eventually just at night), to keep it from getting out of control again.

Look at that. Just mom was right.

Trust

It hit me this morning as Big K was relating an incident (aka tattling) about her brother, that I'm tired. It's exhausting to live with a child that you can't trust.

J-Man has no internal compulsion to be obedient. The only reason to do the right thing is to avoid getting in trouble. Consequences do not work (but don't worry, we still use them) because he can't see past the immediate satisfaction of getting or doing what he wants. He also lacks the ability to generalize from one situation to another. Therefore, even though he's six years old, he has to be supervised like a toddler. For example, I watch him when he uses the bathroom to make sure he doesn't stick his head in the toilet, flush four times or dig trenches in the bar of soap. He's done all of that and more...repeatedly.

If J-Man is unable to see an adult, it's every man, boy, girl and animal for him or herself. This applies not only to obedience issues, but also to his treatment of others. If he thinks that I can't see or hear him (heaven forbid I take a shower), he drops his mask. As he hasn't yet fine-tuned the "art of sneaky", I can often catch him at this. We also have a blanket rule applying to the cat. He's not allowed to touch her. The poor cat suffered some abuse in the first days after J-Man came home, so we're pretty vigilant now.

There's no respect for the property of others. J-Man spends a lot of time in a large baby gate playing with toys that I rotate in and out. If I lose track of him, I'm asking for trouble. He will steal or break things without a second thought and then get upset because his sisters are mad at him. I've found that prevention is the best medicine on this front.

And he is the most convincing liar you've ever seen. Unless I saw it with my own eyes (or one of the girls will vouch for it) I cannot believe anything (and I mean anything) that J-Man says. He will stake out a claim and stick with it. Even when I tell him that I know he's lying because I saw what he did he will continue, with conviction and while sobbing "you never believe me", to dig himself further into a hole. He must be threatened with something scary (like missing lunch) in order to 'fess up.

As I said, it's tiring. He's a perpetual toddler in a body that keeps getting bigger. We've decided to send him to school in the fall. Hopefully the structure will be good for him and the break from the constant battles will be good for me. I've never looked forward to September so much in my life.

Free Shipping at Powells

I LOVE this store. Through the 18th, you can get free shipping on any size order. Which is great if you only need one book, not the stack of 50 that I usually order!

Powell's Books

Imperceptible

Do you want to know one of the most frustrating parts about having MS? I don't look sick. Which can actually also be a blessing...you can only take so much pity, after all. But on the other hand, my family tends to forget that I don't operate at full steam anymore. Ever. Even on good days.

Need a nap in the afternoon?
Tough.
Don't feel like I can handle that social obligation?
Too bad.
Not up to making dinner?
Wait...what? This is going to affect us? Hold on, we didn't sign up for this.
Stinks, doesn't it. I didn't volunteer for it, either.

And for all the forgetting that they're able to do, I can never forget. Among other things, my eyesight is shot, my skin burns, my left hand goes numb and I'm incredibly, overwhelmingly exhausted on some days. I am reminded, even as I sit here and type with my right eye closed, that things are awry.

Not wanting pity. We have thankfully moved past that uncomfortable stage with most of our friends and acquaintances. What I would like is some understanding and support. I am not faking, I did not have that spinal tap and 3 MRIs for fun, and I do not enjoy planning my days around my symptoms. If I can minimize stress and avoid becoming overtired, I can maximize my ability to function on a daily basis. But I'm finding that it takes cooperation from those around me. Which would be easier to get if I looked sick.

And there's the rub.

From the Mouth of Little K

Every now and then the kid just cracks me up. Its a good thing, because I need some comic relief. I've started jotting things down, so that I can sneak in a chuckle when I need one. Here are a few.

Asking for breakfast:
"Mom, would you be so kind as to make me a peanut butter sandwich?"

Describing why the little boy she's smitten with is perfect for her:
"He's calm. I'm action."

On my discovery that I had accidentally purchased sugar-free popsicles:
K: "Why don't you want us to eat them?"
Me: "Because they're bad for your body."
K: "But they're good for our taste buds."

When the doctor left the room after recommending ballet as a way to stretch some muscles. Lots of vigorous head shaking had occurred:
Me: "Why don't you want to take ballet?"
K: "Ballet is froo-froo. I don't do froo-froo."

Talking to her dad about his haircut:
K: "Who cut your hair?"
Dad: "Fay."
K: "Did he have a curly mustache?"
Dad: "It was a woman."
K: "Oh, I thought it was a French guy."

And here's a photo of my sleeping beauty zonked on the couch after a round of vaccinations.

Inspiration

The husband's aunt (my aunt-in-law?) paints beautiful watercolors. When we were out in Minnesota for Easter a year or two back, she called all the woman into her guest bedroom and invited us to dig through her paintings and take whatever we wanted. Because she was "running out of room". Now if it was me, I think I might take my overflow to a gallery and try to sell it. But its not like I (the recipient of beautiful, free artwork) was going to say that out loud.

So now that the school year has come to an end, I've been on a mission to clean out my bedroom. Not just vacuum up the big chunks and hit the high spots with the swiffer duster...you know what I mean...but really, really clean it. It had been quite awhile since I took a good look around that room. And I realized that it had been even longer since I put any thought into decorating it. So when I came across the garbage bag full of artwork tucked in a corner, the light bulb went on.

Here's the painting...



The background looks black in the photo, but its really green, blue and purple. I've already made a trip to Ikea. Now I have paint to select, carpet to remove and curtains to make. Its good to have a project! Its good to have time to do a project!

Thrift Store Find

The kids and I have discovered a really great consignment store in Northville called (for any local folk) Baby Baby. I actually visited it a few years back when (as the name implies) it was all baby stuff. Now they've got way more, including Jr. sizes, and the prices are really good. On my first visit I found several books for my book hobby. This time around we found some clothes for all the kids, as well as a couple of sets of Kid K'nex. But check out my big find:


Yes, that is a genuine Coach purse. How much did I pay for it? Drum roll, please...$17.49 including tax! It almost felt like stealing!

Our Budding Comedian

Little K has long been a joke teller, but lately has taken to actually writing them herself. Here are two of her recent offerings:

Q: What is a frog's favorite kind of chair?
A: A toadstool.

Q: What did the nut say to the nutcracker?
A: You crack me up!

Not bad for an 8-year-old, right? She submitted the first one to a children's magazine and hopefully she'll be published. The child is destined to be a stand-up comedian. Which is better than the visions I had of her being a Las Vegas showgirl back in her minimal clothing stage.

Random Thoughts on Cleanliness

While madly trying to vacuum the living room before the husband got home from work this evening (and why I don't know, because its not like he noticed) I had a few moments to ponder cleaning in general.

My therapist a few months back made a comment something like, "You're a very busy person. I don't know how you get everything done." To which I replied, "I don't clean my house." She had quite a good chuckle, evidently thinking that I was joking.

And then there's this gem:

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
- Phyllis Diller

And having waded through both snow and my living room, I heartily say AMEN.

When I Just Can't Explain It

I highly recommend this blog post from my friend Amy. She took the words right out of my mouth.

When I Just Can't Explain It

The Russian System

Bear with me. I'll try to stop posting about this, but I think some of this info is just astounding. Here's an excerpt from an article in The New York Times:

[The chairwoman of the parliamentary committee on family and children, Yelena B.] Mizulina noted that for all the complaints about the return of the boy, Artyom Savelyev, by his adoptive mother in Tennessee, Russia itself has plenty of experience with failed placements. She said 30,000 children in the last three years inside Russia were sent back to institutions by their adoptive, foster or guardianship families.

30,000 in just 3 years!?! And the Russians are worked up over one U.S. mother who couldn't take it anymore? Perhaps the U.S. should be the one suspending adoptions while Russia gets its system fixed, so that children don't come home with such overwhelming and PREVENTABLE problems. If you're interested in the entire article, here's the link:
Russian Orphanage Offers Love, but Not Families

Homemade Laundry Detergent

I whipped up my first batch of laundry detergent this past weekend using this kit from Lehman's:

Homemade Laundry Soap Starter Set

Yes, I know that I could have purchased all the supplies separately and saved some money, but this was just easier. I'm a big fan of easier these days.

The process was really quite easy, just a little messy. The instructions warn you that this is a low suds formula, so I wasn't surprised when I ran my first load and there was no froth at the top. It was a bit unnerving though, and I had to fight off the urge to dump in more soap. My first load is in the dryer now, and I'll report back later if any member of my sensitive-skinned family breaks out in a rash. I've used the same detergent for years (Tide Original Scent) because of this problem, so I have my fingers crossed.

Russian Orphanages

Good article from the Washington Post about the conditions and practices in Russian orphanages that can lead to Attachment Disorder, among other things:
Adopted Boy's Return Highlights Problems in Russian Orphanages

Weighted Blanket

It took me about a week, but I finally finished the blanket over the weekend. J-Man is happily snuggling under it at night and, I think, sleeping a little better. What does such a thing look like? Well, funny you should ask.



There are 660 2" squares, each containing 5 grams of special polypropylene pellets that can be washed and dried. The blanket weighs 9 pounds, 14 ounces. I ordered the pattern for a weighted vest this morning, so that will be my next project. Can't wait.

More About Adoption

First:
This is one of the few things I've read in the media about the recent incident that I found to contain accurate information. A quick read. I highly recommend it.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/mom-who-sent-adopted-boy-back-to-russia-vilified-but-some-understand/1088171

Second:
The husband and I took J-man to the Fetal Alcohol Clinic at the University of Michigan today. His attachment therapist joined us free of charge, for which I was grateful. We came away with a tentative diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder based mainly on the reports we got at the time of his adoption, as well as some measurements of his facial features. (I was surprised by this, as I've never really thought he looked FAS.)

While the diagnosis is helpful, the behavioral therapist who joined us at the end of the appointment was not. I'm tired of being dismissed by people with a lot of letters after their names because I'm JUST the mom. I'm not sure how they think they got to know my kid better in 10 minutes than I have in 2.5 years, but many of them do. She questioned many of the decisions we've made and services that we've sought out for J-Man and she seemed to think that a behavioral chart with some smiley face stickers would solve all our problems. I was really glad that our attachment therapist was there to back me up. I feel sad for parents of children with attachment disorder who have the misfortune to make this clinic their first stop. A definite thumbs down.

International Adoption

I'm sure everyone has heard about the mother from Tennessee who put her adopted son on a plane and returned him to Russia. I just finished listening to this excellent program that ran on NPR.

http://thedianerehmshow.org/audio-player?nid=12403/

If you're interested in understanding more about the challenges in international adoption that could lead to such a terrible conclusion, then I highly recommend the first 10 minutes or so. The whole thing is good, but I think the first little bit is really the best part. Much more insightful than listening to Katie Couric tsk-tsking.

There is also an adoptive mother who calls in at about 38:45 and describes very accurately the day-to-day challenges of living with a Reactive Attachment Disorder child.

Update

I realize I haven't posted anything substantial in awhile, but I've been so busy that it keeps getting pushed aside. Today I have a nasty cough and I can't read to anyone. So I have a few extra minutes to post an update about what I've been up to.

We've discontinued (for now, at least) J-Man's attachment therapy and moved on to sensory integration and occupational therapy with a side of interactive metronome. As a result, I'm now in the process of making a weighted blanket. Which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It will weigh roughly 10 pounds when I'm finished. J-Man likes the pressure against his body...he finds it soothing and calming. Since they cost $150-$175, I figured I could give making it a go. Slow and tedious, but coming along steadily.

I'm getting ready for the spring consignment sale, so my storage room has clothing hanging everywhere. I'll be glad to get more stuff out the door. We are now officially past the Little People stage, so all that stuff can go, too. Yahoo!

Some of you know that I buy and sell books as a hobby. Unfortunately, my favorite part is the buying. Which means that I often have way too many books sitting around waiting to be sold. So right now I'm trying to get several eBay listings ready to go. Hopefully by the end of the week.

I'm also pondering a bedroom reorganization in our house that would involve everyone shifting around. The main objective would be to get J-man out of the center of the house, but it would also give all the kids more floorspace in their bedrooms. Still thinking this one over.

I have another MRI scheduled for May to see if anything new has developed. The very nice lady who made my appointment for me asked if I'd like a sedative before the test. To which I said: "Yes, please". I've developed a rather strong dislike for the MRI machine.

And then, of course, regular life. Getting school accomplished every day. Running people to tennis lessons, piano lessons, art lessons, doctor appointments, therapy appointments, you-name-it appointments. Trying to keep the house clean, laundry and dishes done and dinner on the table.

I'm so glad that Spring is here and the kids can spend the evenings in the back yard with Daddy. I'm sure it's good exercise for them. :-) I'm looking forward to summer vacation and a slower pace coming in roughly 7 short weeks!

New Header!

As you can see, I've followed my sister into the world of Photoshop and digital scrapbooking. I dragged my feet for a long time, but I had a lot of fun making my new header this morning. (Thanks for your help, P!) I'm hoping to use my new software to work on a Life Book for J-Man. Kind of like a storybook connecting his life before adoption to his life after adoption. A complete narrative that he can hold in his hands. Thanks to the internet, I've already found pictures of the small town in Russia where he was born, what the weather was like that day and a variety of other stuff. I'm looking forward to getting started!

Robins!!!

The kids just about jumped out of their skins this morning when I suddenly screamed "ROBINS!!!" while driving to an appointment. The sighting brought some joy to an otherwise blah morning. I Love Spring!

Quinoa

Anybody else tried out this tasty little grain? We've been eating it in a wheat-substitute pasta for quite some time now. In an effort to vary our grain intake, I decided to try it out as a side dish. It can be used similarly to rice and is very high in protein. The kids all thought it was great. Highly recommended.

Wrestling with Myself

I've been attending a group therapy session for moms raising J-Man-like children. There are 8 of us, and its shaping up to be a very helpful activity. I was a little skeptical at first because I'm not a group person. Those of you who know me, know that I'd rather head off for a quiet weekend alone than spill my guts to a group of strangers. But I think we're all so desperate for someone to understand what our lives are like, that we've started to bond quite quickly. Its a relief to have somewhere to say the really ugly things that you keep swept under the rug and have other people nod their heads in understanding and agreement.

So as a part of this therapy, we've been working on our Internal Working Models. Essentially, how you view yourself and the world, and the expectations of yourself and others that you bring to the party based on your past experiences. We've been spending a lot of time digging through our pasts to try to draw out what makes us respond to our children the way we do. It has left me somewhat raw, but it has also been freeing. In uncovering my motivations, I'm now able to confront them and work toward consciously replacing them with healthy attitudes and responses. I've always been a fairly self aware person (the therapist even said so!) but it turns out that there's a bunch more bubbling under the surface that I hadn't worked through.

Of course, there are several lessons for me to learn here, but I think the main one is that, even in the midst of yuckiness, God intends good for me. I don't think I would have ever worked so hard on myself if it wasn't for the sake of a child. In the long run, I hope to come out of this a healthier, happier person. God is definitely at work!

Hunting the Elusive Wii

A couple of weeks back the husband and I decided (for a variety of reasons, but mostly because the kids drive me nuts in the winter) that we were going to buy a Wii Fit. Now, I knew nothing about these things. Including the fact that they are extremely hard to come by. I had some Walmart gift cards to dispose of, so I wandered in one day last week fully expecting to come out with a Wii in tow. Silly old me.

After a little research on the internet I discovered my error. I stumbled upon a site called Zoolert (which I recommend) that tracks the stock of hard to find items (such as the Wii console and the Wii Fit game). Last night, after stalking my prey for about a week, I finally completed my package. Just in time, since the husband was starting to accuse me of being one of those "Cabbage Patch Moms" from back when we were kids. I really don't think it was that bad. Its not like I trampled anyone or anything.

So now we just have to sit and wait for the pieces to arrive from various retailers. I feel a certain sense of victory that I didn't cave and pay twice as much as I should on eBay and yet, I'm missing the thrill of the hunt this morning. Perhaps I should get back to book buying, where the victories are cheaper!

Project

While the husband has been home sick and able to help the kids with school a bit, I've had time to do a little creative project. I came upon a couple of sayings and a bible verse that all have "dance" or "dancing" in them. I bought the frames at Ikea, tea stained the included mats and used Microsoft Publisher to arrange the text. I'm quite pleased with the result!

A Word of Advice

You should never tell your sick husband that he's being a big baby until you're sure that he doesn't have pneumonia.

Meditations

I've started choosing a bible verse every morning to journal about and meditate upon throughout the day. I chose one a few days ago that I'm still chewing over. I thought I would share what I wrote to myself with the hope that someone else would find it useful. Perhaps as more things hit me, I'll share more about this journey in my little corner of the world.

Job 1:21b
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

There is a praise song written by Matt Redman based on this verse called Blessed be the Lord. Here's how he puts it:

You give and take away.
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be your name.

If you haven't heard the song and are interested, this link will take you to a Newsboys version of it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4abgC-fIxOw

I've spent enough time wallowing in self pity, which is not getting me anywhere. I'm sure I'm not alone in jumping immediately to the "why me" question when something goes wrong. What I need to do is turn my thinking around. Why not me? If I was once an enemy of God (Rom 5:10)then why do I deserve any good thing? I don't. Every gift is from God(James 1:17)and only because of his grace. So I should rejoice in the fact that my body functioned pretty well for 37 years. I can be grateful that God gave me 2 eyes so that one of them can still see. I can be thankful that TODAY I'm still able to function normally. Those are gifts. I can choose, along with Job, to say "Blessed be your name".

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

I know this is out of order chronologically, but I came across these pictures and thought I'd share.


In just under a week I made about 1,200 fussy little cookies for the Christmas Banquet at our church. I had piles of ingredients sitting all over the kitchen and it looked like a cookie factory had exploded. By the way, the empty platters were for some pumpkin bars that needed refrigeration until the last minute.


Every time I do something like this people ask me why I don't cater for a living. When? Why? It's fun about once a year. After that, I think I might go nutty! A person can only handle so much rolling, dipping and glazing.

2009 in Review

So I've had a couple of days to think it over, and the one thing that keeps coming to mind about 2009 is: Good Riddance! I have hope that 2010 will be better because, honestly, how could it possibly be as bad as 2009?

To review:
1. J-Man was diagnosed with a variety of disorders. We started spending a good percentage of our time, energy and money on his therapy and related stuff.
2. After bouncing from one doctor to the next for several months and enduring some rather unpleasant testing, it appears that I have MS.
3. GM ran out of money, went bankrupt, layed off workers, etc. We spent most of the year wondering if the husband would continue to have a job.

Looking ahead:
1. We are progressing with J-Man's treatment, and his medication is getting closer to correctly balanced. We have a better understanding of the challenges facing us. We're still in pursuit of some pieces to the puzzle, including screening for fetal alcohol effect and some testing for short term memory problems. Our medical insurance has changed with the coming of the new year, and we think that some of J-Man's treatment will be covered.
2. I have a couple of leads for doctors I'd like to see, also possibly partially covered with the new insurance.
3. GM appears to be recovering, and the husband came through it all with his job still intact.

I'm guessing that you're a smart bird, and the fact that we're still dealing with some rather hefty issues didn't slip past you. So why am I hopeful? Herein lies my hope:

And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (ESV)