Blessings and Struggles

Let me start by saying that God has blessed us greatly. We have 2 beautiful biological daughters, and God provided the funds for us to adopt J-man and bring him home a year and a half ago.

We found him in a Russian orphanage when he was about 3-1/2 years ago. Through a winding string of events, we brought our son home in September 2007, just shy of 4 years old. I've never doubted that God intended this boy to be a part of our family - to be our son. But I have to admit that I often go back and play his adoption story in my mind in order to remember how God orchestrated the whole thing. Because since then, it's been rough.

We're fresh off a couple of appointments to start trying to work out his behavioral issues and learning delays. Last week, I took him up to the special ed preschool to have a comprehensive evaluation done. Of course, he's much too bright for special ed, they told me. But he does qualify for some therapies. No kidding. Then yesterday, we had a very long and very expensive visit with an Attachment Therapist (Attachment meaning basically the bond a child has with his parents and then can transfer to others. The ability to do so is often missing in children who have been institutionalized, abused and/or neglected.) She gave a preliminary diagnosis sight unseen, and he'll start seeing her shortly. She also wants him to be evaluated for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (meaning his birth mother was an alcoholic), ADHD, and speech and sensory issues.

Now, if he was my only child I could accomplish this all. But I also have the girls who I'm trying to homeschool. The real problems will begin when I have to make decisions about who I'm going to sacrifice so that the other(s) can have needs met. It promises to be a difficult journey. And you add the fact that my husband could lose his job at any moment, and the wisdom of starting to throw lots of money at this problem becomes a little shaky.

And of course, I'm angry. I haven't completely sorted out who I'm angry at, but I could start with his birth mother who didn't care enough to stop drinking or even check on him after he had been removed from her. And how about the adoption agency, which did not inform us that pretty much any 4-year-old child who had spent his life in an orphanage will have an attachment disturbance, so you'd better be prepared for some expensive therapy. I guess that information might scare people away. I'm sure there are other targets for my anger, and I do know that I need to work through it before I can help J-man. I'm pretty sure some of the therapy will be directed at me. (sigh)

Our family usually goes to a wonderful camp together in the summer. I told my husband at dinner last night that I was recalling the Director describing how they assign work loads to the college age employees. They assign one more task than the workers are capable of handling so that they will have to rely on God to get it all done. That's how I'm feeling - overloaded. There is no earthly way I can do all this. So, he looked at me and said: If that's the lesson for the kids at camp, then what do you think God is trying to teach you? Smart Aleck.