Trouble Brewing

J-Man has hit a new stage of development. I don't know quite what to call it. It's not listed in any mainstream parenting book. Maybe we could call it the "foster care wannabe" stage.

I'm sure I've mentioned J-Man's lying before. Of course, nobody but his immediate family and his therapists would characterize him as a liar. Because he's good. Stinkin' good. So stinkin' good that you don't know you've been had. Last night at the dinner table the girls were having a small tattling session regarding something that had happened during the day. And J-Man, with all the venom he could muster, busted out with: "Mom told me to shut up today". Now, I can assure you that I did not. We do not say "shut up" at our house. I'm sure I said some other stuff that wouldn't win me a mother-of-the-year award, but I did not say "shut up". It was apparently the most heinous accusation that J-Man could come up with. Fortunately he made this accusation in front of his family, who know the real deal. What happens when he makes a false accusation about me to his teachers? Who will they believe?

Anytime lately that we've been in the presence of another adult, J-Man will take the opportunity to air grievances. Both real and imagined. With gusto. He will be angry and offended, or he will sob, depending on what he thinks will win him the most points. He recently didn't get to go on a camping trip with his Dad and sisters. (Because he would have ruined it for everyone.) He made sure to complain loudly to everyone he met for the next week. He did not, however, share that he got to pick out movies and go out to dinner every night, or that his room was being painted while the camping trip was going on. He is a master manipulator.

J-Man has also developed a fun new trick over the summer where he pretends that I'm hurting him. Here's how it started: When we are in stores, he will walk about 5 feet directly behind me so that I have to keep looking back to make sure that he's still there. Because he will wander off if given half a chance. I tried holding his hand, but then he just drags me backward. So what I've taken to doing is walking with one hand on his back or shoulder so that I can keep him alongside me. He doesn't like this. So he started yelling that I was hurting him every time I put my hand on him. Fun. Couple that with his overactive startle response and I might as well call the social worker myself.

So here's the upshot. I have a cute little manipulative liar trying to present himself as a deprived, neglected, abused child. And he's been a deprived, neglected, abused child, so he knows how to play the role convincingly. How long will it be before the wrong person sees and misinterprets something? How long will it be before social services shows up at my door? How long will it be before not only J-Man, but also my girls, end up in foster care?